HOW DID THE SMIRK BEGIN

George's smirk really is a piece of work. Where did it come from? How could anything so dumb become his signature style. Not a smile, not a frown, not a smug looking down on everyone, not even a trace of a clown face which is surprising for a rising idiot who has been out of it since he found out there was a place where everybody else was in. Maybe that's when the sneer did begin.

You don't just wake up one morning and look in the mirror and look at yourself and say, "What do I have up here? It's not my cheek, it's not my chin, it's not my ear, left or right. They always have been queer. My eyes have always been squint and flinty. I fear I'll have to go to Dr. Schmear and ask him what I have up here.

Dr. Schmeare said: "Oh dear. Oh dear. I fear you appear to have the beginning of a chronic sneer."

"Are you sure? Is there a cure?" Dubya asked and squinted his eyes.

To his surprise, the doctor said: "And what's this in your head? Beside a brain I think is there. It's not your hair. It must be a...

"A squint?" asked George.

"Yes, that is it. A squint. Hmm, that and a sneer. They go together. But tell me, Mr, Bush, what kind of work do you do?"

"I'm the president," Dubya replied.

"Sorry. I thought his name was Gore. He's the one everyone voted for."

"That's true. But the Supreme Court voted for me and that's how I won the presidency."

"Yes, yes. I digress. What I can say, medically. Your ears, your sneers, your squint, and I suspect, your lack of intellect, should serve you well, Your squint and sneer will make man fear that you are here. So just pay your fee and get the hell out of here. You're scaring me."