Saturday, October 08, 2005


I am over eighty and over-weighty and it's debated how long it's fated I'll be strong enough to tough life out. I don't have many years but I have no fears of what will be when life is done with me.

When you perform on the stage of advancing age it's hard to gauge the veracity of your claims of capacity, your Viagrish wish of long-lasting longevity.

I'll try again another night when I think the time is right and see if I have the stability, agility, ability, the tenacity and capacity to score just once more before I retire and wait to expire which is not my desire but inevitably that's what years conspire and---oh what the hell! While I'm doing this depressing second guessing shit, I think I've still got enough of it before I wander down the road to serene senility.

It's not so terrible or unbearable to look ahead when I'll be almost dead but I ain't dead yet. I won't let life just fade away, Who cares what the doctors say! Some diagnose it as Alzheimer's. Some oldtimers shrug their shoulders as if to say things happen as you grow older. Believers state it's fate.

But when the time comes for me to stop debating I won't keep St. Peter waiting. I won't be late for my date at the Golden Gate.


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