IS PLUTO KAPUTO?

Scientists who ply the art of planetary commentary stare at stars and decide which are, which are not planets like the one we've got. Why did you do to Pluto what you did? After all these millions zillions years in the stratosphere, you measured it inch by inch and ruled it no longer is a planet on the scale of Mars and ours.

Are you just a bunch of telescope dopes playing a ccmmic cosmic trick to kick Pluto out of the solar system. And if you succeed who will go with them? Will Earth be next? If it is, will we object or subject our planet to ridicule for fooling astronomer all these years by claiming we are something we are not? And if not, what?

We are dealing with the feelings of possible Plutoites, intelligent beings out of sight on this block of ice. What if they exist and insist on a recount of the counting of what's amounting to a threat to the moon and stars, the Milky Way and candy bars like Mars? Would we go to war to free Pluto from the grips of spaced out drips behind this plot to rob whatever oil Pluto's got? Are Plutonians. like we, facing a November election surprise, where they won't compromise their size to those not so wise wiseguys out to rule the galaxy? GWB and the GOP are playing a game of wait and see if by undeclaring war the USA will free them from solar insanity. Would victory lead to Pluto's ORBITUARY?

There is a dog of Disney fame who answers to the name Pluto. He's so angry you don't want to know. He wants to be renamed Uranus, even though it rhymes with anus. Better to go down in history linked to an exploratory space lavatory than one not stinking but on the brink of shrinking.

Asked to comment, Pluto the Dog said: "I'm so sick I think I'll barf. Arf! Arf! Arf!"