Friday, April 22, 2005

S0 WHAT'S NEW?

Watch what you say. Beware of saying a cliche, You may regret it once you've said it. For example, here's a sample: You meet a guy on the street you're sure you haven't seen in quite a while. You smile and say: "Hello. what's new?" Turns out it's not someone you know. But so what? He's got you in a spot. He's got a reply.

"You ask, 'what's new?' Well, I'll tell you. My uppers. Now I can chew my suppers, My lowers, don't they look real? Got 'em free, part of the deal. See my nose? Got the skin graft from my toes. When I blow my nose my toes go 'Honk!' Want to hear?

"My new wig, it's a fake. They make the hair out of lint from a bedroom chair. Do I look square or debonaire? It's what all the New York hippies wear.

"What else is new? My right shoe. I left the left in the monkey cage at the zoo. The ape was in a rage at you know who. The lion roared. The hippo snored. The gnu was bored. A preacher said, 'Oh my lord, what's this zoo coming to?'

"My heart's a transplant from my aunt. My liver's from an anonymous giver. My brain's from part of Einstein's remains. My kidney's from a kid named Sidney. The question is, did he need the kidney? My pancreas was made from a cow's fat ass."

"Hold it, Mac!" I said, aghast. "You mean to say what I have in mind, they now know how to make a belly from a cow's behind?"

The man was snide when he replied: "My doc, the vet, knows what's best. What udder part would you suggest?"

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