THE EGG THE HEN COULDN'T CRACK
Henny the Hen was the barnyard glutton. There was nuttin' she wouldn't eat. Her pecking speed could not be beat. She didn't scorn cracked corn and ate her fill as chickens will, but that fare was not enough. She filled her craw with all kinds of stuff. She'd spot a snug bug sleeping in the sun. One quick peck, that bug was done. Once Henny found a dish of meat. Peck-peck-peck, not a speck was left on the dish. With a swish, she ate the dish.
Henny went pecking down Lover's Lane where necking was a favorite game. She found a condom on the ground and gulped it down. Henny grew so fat you'd think she'd become somebody's Sunday dinner, but besides her mighty appetite, she was the winner of every egg laying competition in sight.
One day Henny met her match. She laid an egg she couldn't hatch. It was not egg-shaped. It was round. When it plopped out on the ground, it bounced up and down. It had a strange elastic shell. The more the chick grew inside, the more the shell would swell. When it tried to peck its way out the newborn chick would bounce about and shout, "Get me out of here!" The full-grown chick got no reply. Oh well, it thought, the hell with it. If that's my fate, I'll just stay and grow until I suffocate.
Henny figured I've worn out my beak, all this pecking's made me weak. I'll ask my rooster friend to try his pecker. Maybe that will do the trick and I'll get my chick. The rooster was a good necker, but it had a lousy pecker.
"That's a hell of a tough shell," the rooster sighed. "I can't break it." Henny replied: "You helped make it."
A farmer's son went walking by. He saw the egg, thought it was a ball. He bounced it once or twice, and once or twice again and again, then he heard a peep. A crack appeared in the shell and sure as hell a giant chick fell out of the so-called ball and that was all.
The boy took the condom, not the worst for wear, and showed it to the farmer girl. Nine months later, to their joy, they had a bouncing baby boy.
Henny went pecking down Lover's Lane where necking was a favorite game. She found a condom on the ground and gulped it down. Henny grew so fat you'd think she'd become somebody's Sunday dinner, but besides her mighty appetite, she was the winner of every egg laying competition in sight.
One day Henny met her match. She laid an egg she couldn't hatch. It was not egg-shaped. It was round. When it plopped out on the ground, it bounced up and down. It had a strange elastic shell. The more the chick grew inside, the more the shell would swell. When it tried to peck its way out the newborn chick would bounce about and shout, "Get me out of here!" The full-grown chick got no reply. Oh well, it thought, the hell with it. If that's my fate, I'll just stay and grow until I suffocate.
Henny figured I've worn out my beak, all this pecking's made me weak. I'll ask my rooster friend to try his pecker. Maybe that will do the trick and I'll get my chick. The rooster was a good necker, but it had a lousy pecker.
"That's a hell of a tough shell," the rooster sighed. "I can't break it." Henny replied: "You helped make it."
A farmer's son went walking by. He saw the egg, thought it was a ball. He bounced it once or twice, and once or twice again and again, then he heard a peep. A crack appeared in the shell and sure as hell a giant chick fell out of the so-called ball and that was all.
The boy took the condom, not the worst for wear, and showed it to the farmer girl. Nine months later, to their joy, they had a bouncing baby boy.
posted by Ed Weiland at 10:35 AM
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