MIKE THE TERMITE

If ever a termite liked to bite, Mike the termite did. He would roam the country wide in search of rotten wood. If he found a few rotting seats of birch in a church, he'd chew the whole week through. But Mike would stay away on Sunday so the folks could come and pray the way they should and would. And that was good.

Mike gave up wood for Lent. It was not his intent to bite and incite the wrath of God on this most holy day. And since His son the carpenter loved all wood from sawdust up to planks, Mike could afford to express his thanks and eschew a pew till services were through.

But one day Mike found a knotting knothole in the collection plate and ate a five dollar bill. It was a sin to chomp a fin so Mike went to confession. "Father, I have sInned," he said. "I ate out of the collection plate. What must I do to compensate for this transgression?"

"The next time you defecate what you ate put it back in the collection plate with a fiver and five more. Then take back the counterfeit bill and pass it at a WalMart super pooper store."