GOD IS DEAD!

Bibles Burned. Preachers Spurned, Atheists Unconcerned; Where Can Mourners Turn? Grieving Men of God Agree He'll Be Reborn With His Son

By The Late Walter Cronkwrite

Special to The Heavenly Times

All hell broke loose on Earth tonight as word came down from on high that that good old guy we all called God passed away today.

Speculation raged throughout civilization: who'll rule Heaven now that He's gone? Who'll replace His grace? Catholics hope it will be an ex-pope. The born again say, "Nope! It'll be one of our men."

"Why not a loyal lesbian?" asked a gay. "That's OK as long as she' black," a black shot back.

Said an Oriental: "Let her be Chinese, Japanese or Korean? Or any Asian, but never again a Caucasian."

Then a voice in the crowd said aloud: "I'm not a Semite but might I suggest a Jew? In the beginning when the world was new who did God turn to? A Jew. And a rabbi, too."