SYMPHONY TO A SLEEPLESS NIGHT

I awoke half past two. Did what nature told me to, went back to bed. To my surprise, I couldn't sleep. I counted sheep and hoped shuteye would welcome me. This was not to be.

I tried counting other things. Telephone rings. Swinging swings. Romantic flings . Ding-dong-dings. Imagination only led to more frustration. Then I asked the inner me: Why not imagine a symphony to serenade me to slumberland?

That didn't bring the sleep I sought but, oh the sounds it wrought! I was at Carnegie Hall. I held my breath at every pause, joined in the wild applause.

I thought I was wide awake, but when the conductor came out to take a bow my clapping startled me out of my hypnotic spell. I opened my eyes and to my surprise I was not front row center at Carnegie Hall. I was sitting on my toilet seat keeping time to the beat of the orchestration with my squeezing, displeasing flatulent sounds of constipation.