THE BENEFITS OF BEING DEAD

Once dead, I suspect I'll finally be free of misery, of worry, aggravation and sexual frustration, of pain and rain and changing weather, of money lost by falling stocks controlled by manipulation. I'll no longer suffer from cold or flu and diseases that bedevil. I'll suffer no iils or chills, pay no bills, cash no checks or check my bank account amount.

I bet I will not fret or sweat when I'm no longer one of us except in dreams and memories. I surmise, when someone dies they sit around having smokes, telling jokes, reading the news, schmoozing, boozing and refusing to pay back taxes or overdue dues

Once dead and gone they gorge on pies and cakes and spicy foods that cause heartburn and bellyaches, consume huge amounts of fatty meats and sinful sweets and go off all diets when they die.

At least I believe all this is true. If my heart and assorted parts are not replaced and my body's a total waste after I'm dead a spell, assuming it's not from hell, I'll return and tell you what I found while hanging around waiting for the Benign Divine to make up His mind about what happens to a beat-up of eighty plus waiting for the bus to take me to Eternity City, U.S.A.