Monday, June 29, 2009


A monkey at the zoo named Lou knew something no other animal knew except for Jake the Ape who it happened to. It was a secret kept by Jake. He didn’t want to make a big to-do at the zoo where he lived quite comfortably.

Lou disagreed. He felt the world should know so he escaped one day and went to school and learned how to go on line and posted the news that Jake the Ape had learned to talk, read and write like people do.

When the media learned about this educated ape they demanded the zoo grant an interview with Jake so the world would know if it was true. Officials at the zoo met with Jake who said: “Yes, it’s true. But for goodness sake, why get so excited?”

The zoo boss was at a loss what to say, then was enthused by the news. ”Not be excited?” he declared. “We’re delighted With all the publicity we expect it will increase our admissions and donations beyond our wildest expectations.“

Jake nodded his head. “What’s more, we apes will demand full citizenship for all the animals at the zoo who can pass a test or two. Eventually. we will elect a baboon president with a mate who can count to eight who will have a love affair with the secretary of state.”

“Very funny, Mister Jake,” the zoo boss replied. ”Watch your tongue, you talky ape. Just know your place and do your schtick or we’ll ship you back to Africa real quick.”

Which was just where Jake wanted to go. So he decided what he’d do to these human mammals who try to trammel on animal rights.

When the day came for Jake to meet the press he looked the same as any ape. When questions flew, Jake faked stupidity, pulled his ear and scratched his rear and crotch, snatched a watch, swallowed it down, took a slurp of water and burped. He roared, lay down, fell asleep and snored. The media got bored and left without a word.

Know what? Jake went back to eating nuts, chicken wings and diamond rings, learned how to sing, play a banjo and do the tango, wrote poetry and hid behind a stupid face and knew his place.

Jake escaped from the zoo and flew on a plane back to Africa where he wed a lady ape and raised a simian family.

FOOT NOTE: Before Jake died at 63, he wrote a book about his youth, told the truth that he could talk but kept his silence to the end. Why? Read his best selling book, “The Escape of Jake, the Talking Ape.” In fact, it’s now out in paperback.


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