MIKE THE TERMITE LIKES TO BITE

Mike the termite roamed the countryside in search of rotten wood. If he found decaying pews of birch in a church, he'd chew the whole week through. But Mike would stay away Sunday so folks could pray the way they should and would. And that was good.

Mike gave up wood for Lent. It was not his intent to bite and incite the wrath of God on this most holy day. He loved all wood from sawdust to planks, expressed his thanks but would not chew a pew until services were through.

On day Mike found a knothole with a five dollar bill in the collection plate and accidentally ate the bill. Since it's a sin to chomp a fin he went to confession. "Father," he said , "I have sinned. I ate out of the collection. What must I do to compensate for this transgression?"

"The next time you defecate, my son, if it comes out with the wood you should return the fiver to the plate. But if it is a phony bill you will eat it with a piece of pie and pass it at a Wal-mart super pooper store."