Tuesday, March 17, 2009


One of God's most unintended consequences was His creation of prehistoric creatures. Outer space was such a peaceful place until the BIG BANG got it all together, and whether it would turn out good or bad it gave the universe something it never had---a planet which, in some future century would be called Earth, reportedly named after Eartha Kitt, but there's no proof of that trivia or could there be and we guarantee the inaccuracy of anything written in this SHIECE OF PIT.

Meanwhile, a trillion trillion miles away in a swamp named for Donald Tramp an ancient ancestor of a chicken laid an egg in murky stagnant water hoping it would birth a daughter and so it did. I kid you not, out popped a full breasted lady dino who shook her leg and laid an egg bigger than a keg of beer. Up jumped a draped in yolk and shell, hot as hell, a she-male loaded with viss and pinnegar ready to go, go, go.

If you wonder why the gestation period of baby dinos went so fast, in the distant past, daylight darkness could last a lot of years (not true) and the species had a lot of catching up to do.

There were no laws against incest because there were no laws. Brothers cohabited with sister dino mates. There was nothing else to do. All mates had twins and twins had twins and that's how the population grew.
God decided to ban creature to creature fornication to control the population. But copulation was more fun than fornication especially on vacations with friends and relatiions.
But God was not to be denied. God decided what to do. He got a fantastic but drastic solution. He'd make his creature children sick so they would die quick. That was a dirty trick but what else could He do? He conceived diseases still in mode today. Some died of suffocation, others of asphyxiation, most of constipation, a smelly way to go.

After all God's kids were gone the smell lived on and the cavefolks were mad as hell. How long could they endure the extinct stink of the rotting, rancid creature flesh before it turned into oil? To them oil was just a smell in the dirty soil. If they'd known what we know now they'd have died millionaires! But could they afford to wait for Henry Ford to make the Model T?

Well, the dinos are gone. The oil's still here. And it will always be. Someday they'll be making oil out of you and even me.


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